


breathe

by haetbit



Series: my all and more [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (in love), Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Romantic but not romance, johnjae are fools, mentioned dotae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:01:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27156994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haetbit/pseuds/haetbit
Summary: In this moment there is only them, here on Johnny's bed, with sunlight filtering through the blinds and music playing in the distance.Jaehyun feels like he can finally breathe.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: my all and more [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1982278
Comments: 8
Kudos: 150





	breathe

**Author's Note:**

> huge disclaimer: this is canon compliant but at the same time it's not so much??????????? i might have projected my own feelings into it EEK but yes please... don't take it too seriously

The fifth floor is quiet when Jaehyun unlocked the door and welcomed himself into the apartment.

Vaguely, he can hear music playing from one of the rooms down the hallway, but mostly the living room was filled with sounds of the air pump in the fish tank and of the refrigerator’s low hum. He moves slowly, passing by the kitchen, the bathroom, Taeyong’s room (the source of the music), and stopping right outside the door to Donghyuck and Johnny’s room. He pauses just as he was about to knock on the door: _what if someone else is inside?_ Donghyuck is up at the tenth floor, hanging out with Mark and Taeil, but what about Doyoung, or even Taeyong? _This is a dumb idea,_ he thinks to himself, but he’s already made it down here. So he knocks.

“Who is it?”

Somehow, hearing Johnny’s voice made him nervous, apprehension biting at him inside over how this is not the way it’s supposed to be. But he turns the doorknob and pops his head in anyway.

“Hey, hyung.”

Johnny looks towards the door from where he was lying on his bed, phone in his hand, and his gaze softens when he realises who it is. Jaehyun knows that that change is exactly why he’s here.

It is why he always comes back to him.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Jaehyun shuffles inside, closing the door behind him. Johnny is sitting up now, chucking his phone aside to give him his attention, which Jaehyun is grateful for. He walks closer until his legs are grazing the duvet of Johnny’s bed, eyes carefully avoiding the other’s. He can tell that Johnny caught on to what he needed when a smile finds its way to his face and he scoots to the left of his bed.

“C’mere,” Johnny tells him, and Jaehyun doesn’t need to be told again before he’s climbing on the bed next to the older, and larger man (just slightly). Neither of them had a small physique, and this single bed was definitely not made to fit two grown men, but somehow they make it work. They always do. They make it work each time with Johnny wrapping his arms around Jaehyun, pulling his body flush against his, and with Jaehyun tucking his head right beneath Johnny’s chin, so he can press his ears against Johnny’s chest and hear his heartbeat. He’s never told Johnny about that last bit though; how listening to his heartbeat and having his own aligning to his makes him calm like nothing else ever had before.

It seemed too weird, too _romantic_ a confession for the both of them, especially when this cuddling _thing_ they do is weird enough for two grown men who are very much _not_ romantically involved.

“How did recording go today?”

Johnny is threading his fingers through his hair now, something he has come to know that Jaehyun liked over the time they shared this little habit, if it can even be called one. Jaehyun sighs, both at the soothing touch and at Johnny’s question.

“It was alright.”

 _And that’s the problem,_ he doesn’t add, because Johnny knows. It’s been like this for a while now, how he just became so tired of everything: of endless hours in the practice room, of shuffling from one schedule to the other, of recording one album after the next, and even of performing. He needed a break from the spotlight, but it wasn’t exactly his choice to make. So he makes peace with things being ‘alright’; he learns to accept things as they come, still giving them his best effort even as he struggles to remember how he used to love the stage. He doesn’t tell anyone about it, and doesn't want to. Taeil, Doyoung and Taeyong would worry too much and ask too many questions, Yuta and Jungwoo each have their own problems to deal with, and he’s never been comfortable with giving up his older-brother front to the younger members — unlike Johnny.

Johnny, who was always quietly observing, too quiet for how loud he can be at times. Johnny, who was always listening to him even when he wasn’t talking. Jaehyun had thought that he might be able to find solace in him. And he did.

Solace came in the form of tangled limbs on a single bed, of breathing in the familiar woody scent of a cologne they both owned, and of heartbeats that gradually become in sync.

But Jaehyun knows that Johnny also had problems of his own.

“How was your day?” he asks when Johnny said nothing to his reply (which was not needed anyway; the palm rubbing soothing circles on his back was enough to let Jaehyun know that he cared).

The body next to his tenses up at his question, a reaction which Jaehyun feared. He slides his hand up from Johnny’s back to his shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze, his own way of telling Johnny that he’s here for him too, just like Johnny has been for him all along. It loosens the tension in him slightly, but Johnny’s tone still had the coldness that Jaehyun disliked.

“It could have been better, honestly.”

Cold and Johnny didn’t belong together in one sentence. Johnny could be direct and brutally honest, if needed, but not cold. Never, when he was with them. He was their team’s moodmaker, the person who is never afraid to make a fool of himself just to make them laugh. But lately he seems to have fallen into a slump.

Yuta was the first to notice that Johnny’s been quieter than usual, bringing it up during their dinner at the 10th floor a week ago, and Mark had echoed that opinion. Jaehyun hasn’t actually noticed it himself, having been busy with his own schedules, and the revelation left him guilt-ridden. Yes, he’s been busy and it’s been a while since he’s spent time alone with Johnny, but surely, it couldn’t have escaped him that Johnny hasn’t been acting like himself? (The truth is, Jaehyun later admits to himself, that it could have, because even though he hates to admit it, he does tend to get overly absorbed by things that concern solely him and ignore everything else.)

When Jaehyun casually asked Johnny if he'd been alright a few days after that dinner, in the practice studio where they were gathered, he received a curt reply and something akin to a scowl in return.

“Could you not ask me that?”

Jaehyun could only blink, rooted to the spot, as he watched Johnny move across the room to get away from him. That was the first time Johnny had raised his voice at him like that in the six years they’ve known each other, he realised after getting over his initial shock. It was yet another revelation that Jaehyun didn’t know how to deal with, but thankfully Johnny saved him from his thoughts that night.

**_Johnny-hyung_ **

**_12:02_ **

_Jaehyun-ah_

_I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier today_

_you did nothing to deserve that_

_I’ve just been a little sensitive lately, I guess_

_Sorry_

**_Me_ **

**_12:03_ **

_It’s okay_

**_Me_ **

**_12:05_ **

_Do you want to talk about it?_

**_Johnny-hyung_ **

**_12:07_ **

_Maybe another time_

_It’s nothing too serious_

_Just a slump_

_Go to sleep Jaehyun-ah_

_Goodnight_

He couldn't help but feel disappointed at how Johnny dismisses his concerns, but he decided that it was better to drop it for the day. 

“Practice didn’t go too well?” he tries, carefully probing.

Johnny sighs, breath tickling the back of his neck.

“Yeah, wasn't the best,” he says, his tone laced with resignation and disappointment. Jaehyun tightens his arm around him almost instinctively. 

“I'm sure it will get better soon,” he tells him, lips turning upwards despite the situation when Johnny bends down to bury his face in the crook of his neck. 

“Hyung’s done well all this while, it will definitely work out this time too.” 

The conviction in his voice surprises even Jaehyun himself, but he really meant what he said. Johnny was the longest trainee among them for a reason; there is no one else who is as unwavering and as stable as him when it comes to preparing for promotions in their team, and what he lacks in skills he makes it up with confidence. The confidence that almost every member wishes he had, Jaehyun himself included. 

“Thanks,” Johnny mumbles, lips so close to his skin Jaehyun can vaguely register it brushing against his neck. The thought of how intimate this is sends heat flushing up his chest, up his neck and to his face, till he's sure that his ears are now burning hot. He wonders if Johnny can feel it, but if he does he makes no mention of it. 

“For now I just want to not think about it.”

Jaehyun hums his agreement, pressing his face against the side of Johnny’s head. The arms around his waist form a comforting weight, making him feel secure and safe, like a child under his favourite blanket. He feels oddly content now. In this moment there is only them, here on Johnny's bed, with sunlight filtering through the blinds and music playing in the distance. 

Jaehyun feels like he can finally breathe. 

The door opens then, startling them both even though neither moves from their position. Jaehyun has his back to the door, so he couldn’t see who it is, but he recognises the voice to be Donghyuck. 

“Oh,” he hears him say, sounding surprised. He mustn't have expected Jaehyun to be here. Johnny removes himself from his embrace so he can prop himself up to face Donghyuck properly, but Jaehyun remains in his position, letting his head fall on Johnny’s pillow. It makes him oddly embarrassed to be seen by the other members when they are cuddling, even though it’s not the first time the other members have found them like this. 

“Doyoung-hyung’s calling for delivery, do you want anything?” 

Donghyuck’s voice is as normal as it could be, as if he isn't even shocked by the scene in front of him. Jaehyun guesses that he is probably used to it, considering how it's been months since they started this, which shoots more embarrassment in him.

“Nope, I'm good. Jaehyun?” Johnny turns to him, eyes finding his own even when he is blatantly looking away. 

“I’ll pass too.”

Donghyuck leaves them with a _got it_ , closing the door after him, and an awkward silence falls in the room. Johnny slides back down slowly, arms wrapping around Jaehyun’s torso again, and Jaehyun finds himself relaxing into his touch. The music from Taeyong’s room has stopped, so all he can hear now is the sound of his own heartbeat and Johnny’s breathing next to him. Neither of them speaks, the conversation before Donghyuck’s intervention long forgotten. When Johnny’s hands come up to play with Jaehyun’s hair once more, Jaehyun falls back into his own thoughts. 

He wonders what the other members thought about this new arrangement they shared. They’ve never asked anything, even though curious glances have occasionally been thrown at them when the two of them are next to each other. Have they already made an assumption? It isn’t a far-fetched assumption to make; after all, they do already have a somewhat official couple in their team (thanks Taeyong and Doyoung). Whatever that they might be thinking definitely isn’t true, but somehow, none of them have brought up the topic, so neither Johnny nor Jaehyun have bothered to clarify it for them. Jaehyun has no intentions to do so unless absolutely necessary, that’s for sure. Doing it is one thing, but saying it out loud would just cement how weird this really is when they are not dating. Between the two of them, they don’t talk about it either. Not about this, nor about the other aspects that have changed in their relationship. They don’t talk about how Johnny flirts with him (and only him) when they’re in front of others, on-stage or off. They don’t talk about how Jaehyun doesn’t feel comfortable with skinship that others initiate unless it’s Johnny. They definitely don’t talk about the kisses Johnny presses into his hair when they cuddle. It seems like they’re swimming in uncharted waters, letting it take them wherever, uncaring of the dangers that might lie ahead.

And Jaehyun doesn’t mind it at all. 

He feels lethargy washing over him suddenly; it’s been a long day, with the early morning recording at the broadcast station and an interview at noon. The warmth of Johnny’s body that envelopes him is lulling him into a calm that is hard to come by these days, and he leans in closer so that he can hear the sound of his heartbeat. His eyes are already getting heavy by the time Johnny starts to talk again.

“I should have played some music before we got into this position,” Johnny muses, voice soft by his ears. 

Jaehyun replies with a noncommittal noise, frowning when Johnny pulls away slightly, probably to look at him. He tugs Johnny closer by his sweater, and Johnny compliantly falls back into his previous position. 

“Are you falling asleep?” 

Another noncommittal noise from the back of his throat, and he hears Johnny chuckling this time. His chest is close enough for him to lean against again, so he presses his ears against it and lets the sound of his heartbeat pull him into contented oblivion.

The room is much darker when Jaehyun opens his eyes again, the curtains drawn and dim light coming from his right: Donghyuck’s bed. He turns his head to see the younger scrolling through his iPad on his bed, looking all comfortable in his pyjamas. Johnny isn’t in the room, but the sound of the running shower coming from the room’s attached bathroom is enough to let him know where he went. He sits up then, catching the attention of Donghyuck. 

“Oh, hyung you’re up?” 

He clears his throat before replying _yeah._ Donghyuck nods, giving him one more look that is too odd for his muddled brain to decipher, before turning back to the device in his hand. He stretches himself as he gets up from the bed, feeling a little awkward. He’s never stayed in this room this long before; he usually leaves before Donghyuck returns from wherever he was. Just as he contemplates on whether he should tell Johnny that he’s heading back up, Donghyuck verbalises the question for him. 

“Not telling Johnny-hyung that you’re leaving?” 

Of course, nothing could escape the quick-thinking Lee Donghyuck. 

Jaehyun shrugs, looking between the door outside and the door to the bathroom. The sound of running water stops just then, and he feels a sense of panic rise in him. It shouldn’t be that difficult to just shout to Johnny that he’s leaving, but somehow it just seems odd, a little too _intimate_. 

“Go, hyung,” Donghyuck decides for him at that point, “I’ll let Johnny-hyung know.” 

The relief in his face must have been obvious because Donghyuck was laughing at him when he all but scuttles out of the room, right into the living room where Doyoung and Taeyong were having a conversation. 

“Oh? Jaehyunnie.” 

Taeyong spots him first, eyes wide in surprise. _I didn’t know you were still here,_ he says, a bag of candy in his hands. Doyoung looks at him with the same curious look that he’s just gotten from Donghyuck, and asks if he fell asleep. 

“Yeah,” he replies hastily, already making his way to the front door. 

“Have a good night!” 

He ignores Taeyong’s question of what hurry he was in before he let the door slam shut. 

Thankfully, the 10th floor members are all holed up in their own rooms when Jaehyun returns. Jungwoo is there in their room, but he was too engrossed with the movie he was watching to pay Jaehyun any attention. Jaehyun is glad with the lack of it for once, and flops himself onto his bed to check the notifications on his phone he’s missed for the whole afternoon. Right at the top is Johnny’s name, a notification from a minute ago. 

**_Johnny-hyung_ **

**_8:20_ **

I haven’t heard you snore in a long time

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

You must’ve been really tired 

You did well today too Jaehyun-ah 

Goodnight 

He is about to reply _goodnight_ in return, when he looks up and notices how Jungwoo is staring at him with a mischievous grin. 

“... What?” 

Jungwoo shakes his head, focusing his attention back on his screen as he shrugs. 

“Just wondering what it was that made you smile like that.” 

Jaehyun widens his eyes, before he lets out a soft groan and turns away from his roommate, who is now giggling. 

Maybe it really is time to have a talk with their members. 

**Author's Note:**

> i might come up with two more fics sharing this timeline/'universe' but NO PROMISES :")  
> thanks for reading!!! <3


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